Through the rooms, they come and go
Talking about Michelangelo
Ah, the Art Fairs are back! After the summer hiatus from the big bang that is Art Basel, the spending crowds are back with a vengeance. As the wealthy wander from room to room exchanging nods, whispers, handshakes and large cheques, we at LUXOS thought to arm you with a few insider tips on what to do and how to act during Frieze in London this week.
What to wear
The art crowd disdains flowers. Sweetness is a virtue few understand. To really make a hit with the art crowd, eschew fashion for bold aesthetic statements, ideally in black: wear edgy designers, anything Marni, Tom Ford, Jil Sander or Watanabe. Unlike the fashion crowd, with art buyers, its all about understatement. Except of course, the art prices.
What to say
Be sure to know that you are looking to invest in an "important" piece. Something that you will love forever - or at least until it doubles in price. Pepper your conversation with words like "transcendental", "biomorphic", "non-representational" and this year's favourite..."invisible".
Where to eat
Pretend to have just dined at The Chiltern Firehouse, and that you will be turning up at 5 Hertford Street, Shoreditch House or The Arts Club later...you simply can't decide.
"Larry Says..." Drop Names
Pretend to have the ear of some of the art world luminaries. Pass on "insider" tips by Larry Gagosian, Sadie Coles, Iwan Wirth, Marc Spiegler or Jay Jopling - or just make them up. You wouldn't be the first.
Get the VIP event list and try to make friends with VIP attendees who don't mind bringing you as their +1. When you get in, make a lot more friends. Repeat each night until you collapse.
Reserve Art Basel
After your week floating above the clouds in the luscious, decadent art world, you will be ready for a break. Preferably on the beach. During Art Basel. You will reserve your hotel room and email all your new friends that you can't wait to see them in Miami.
READ MORE: Guide to London during Frieze for more updates on the latest news from Europe's biggest art gathering